Saturday, September 11, 2010

My New Labor Plan

So if I'm fortunate enough to go into labor naturally (rather than via induction) and without my water breaking (which requires me to go to the hospital ASAP), I have a plan for "early labor." 

For those of you unschooled in the terminology, "early labor" refers to the beginning of labor, where you are actually starting to have contractions, but you don't have to go to the hospital yet. The idea is that you walk around plenty to move it along quickly.  For me, of course, the idea is that I want to move it along quickly to the stage where I can show up at the hospital and request the drugs. (I'll take an epidural for $1000, Alex.)

As for my plan? Target. Tonight, after dinner, the MacDaddy and I did some shopping. Barnes & Noble, then Michael's, then Target. At the first two places, my hips and knees were really killing me. At a couple points, I felt like crying. 

When I got to Target, though, I'm not sure what happened. It's like they pump something into the ventilation system there. It's not that I wasn't in pain, it's just that I felt compelled to shop.  Admittedly, when we got to the baby section, I told the MacDaddy, "My back is really hurting, and I need to stop walking and stand for a minute."  Yeah, stand here and look at the cute baby outfits!

So it occurred to me that if anything can take my mind off the contractions enough and keep me walking, it must be Target. I also figure that when I feel like I would rather be in the hospital than continue roaming around Target, then we know it's definitely time to head to the hospital. And the bonus? We have a last-minute opportunity to pick up any items we've forgotten to pack in the hospital bags!

So tomorrow, the MacDaddy and I will be packing up our hospital bags to put them by the door. And when the time comes, we'll load them into the car and head to Target.

Disclaimer: I reserve all rights to

(a) Respond with an eye roll and/or an expression of "where would you get an idea like that???" to anyone who suggests going to Target when I am actually in labor;

(b) Totally disregard this labor plan; and

(c) Laugh hysterically at this post after Mac gets here and insist that this was always a joke.

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